WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
