I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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