Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
