Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
