i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
