I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
