Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ladies don't puke and tell
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
