Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
