i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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