i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
