Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
