I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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