U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
