thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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