he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
