your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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