the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
