My nipple is on Facebook.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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