I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A+ Viking dick
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
