Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
