He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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