is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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