you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
