so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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