Heybabeimwearingurpanties
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
