Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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