I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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