Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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