i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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