Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
