How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
