I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
