yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
