i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
