making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The Olympian is in my bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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