We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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