So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
