fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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