I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
