Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
