CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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