I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
