I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
