I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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