He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
