So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
