6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
