Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
