I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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