You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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