Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
