Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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