hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
