So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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