sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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