I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
