i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
