I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
