i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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