ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
