the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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