Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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