YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
