I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
