The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
