One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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