like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
