You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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