He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
