Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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