hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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