do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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