I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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